The Highest Apple

Lately I've been doing some deep considering and I needed an outlet in which to get my thoughts down. That's what this is for, right?

It all [re]started with this article [click it] entitled The Perfect Wifey and continued to sprout with a follow-up [click it] entitled Good Guy. First off, kudos to the author for these. While I don't always agree with what he says, he brings up several good points in these articles and if you haven't done so already I recommend that you swing by [yeah I'm really endorsing this... wowsers] to get yet another take on an age old issue. And if you couldn't tell [whoever you may be, if there is in fact a 'you' to refer to] this is going to be, yet again, a discussion about relationships/men/women/Adam/Eve/blahdeefrickenda. 

So. Let's begin shall we. 

His articles are pretty basic in that the titles give a complete synopsis of what is discussed. In the first he describes what he is searching for in an ideal mate and the latter discusses the trials and tribulations of the 'good guy,' saying that the cliche is true [and if you don't know what cliche I'm talking about slap yourself. Twice.]

When it comes to my ideal mate you can take many of his 'requirements' and manify them. I'm willing to bet that this is true for everyone. A friend had a Facebook note a while back asking what women look for in a mate and this is what I responded [thank goodness for copy/paste cuz I'd be damned to type that all over right now]:

I basically want someone who's on top of his ish: academically, mentally, socially, emotionally, financially

Academically - I need someone who can stimulate my mind. If I can't have a conversation with you then don't even bother. The best kind of person is the one who you can talk about foolishness with one second and fricken politics the next. 

Mentally - I need someone who has his head in the right place. No baggage, no hesitations... just be confident in YOU. Know what you want and take the steps necessary to attain it. 

Socially - I need you to be able to hold your own in a crowd. I don't mind a laid back person cuz I keep to myself at times, but I don't want a mute either. 

Emotionally - along the lines of the mental blurb, but I need someone who's confident enough in himself to let me in. I'm not askin for you to cry whenever it's too windy, but don't put up indestructible walls either.

Financially - I need someone who can stand on his own two feet. I don't mind footin the bill occasionally, in fact I expect to, but I'm not your suga mama. Get ya ish on lock.

Also, you need to make me laugh. You know how I am and a lack of laughter is not an option. You also need to know how to put it down. I'm jus sayin. 

And most importantly, like Serani said (yeah I did it), no games. That ish is for little boys and I'm not a pedophile. Say what you mean and mean what you say. 

So... simple list right? I mean, no one wants someone who can't hold their own in any of the above [and as I look back I realize I forgot to mention physical requirements, but... that goes unsaid right? ... Just in case it doesn't though : Hygienic. Dresses well in a style that is his own/makes him comfortable... I won't go any further cuz this isn't a personal ad, but you get the idea.

So... if we all essentially want the same thing - to find someone that satisfies our 'requirements' and will make us happy, because at the end of the day that's the end goal, happiness, then why the goodness is this constantly an issue? I feel as though this conversation will continue to happen as long as people are around to have it. 

There are many reasons for this, from confusion, hesitation, the 80/20 rule, bread crumb rule, blah dee fricken blah. Each one of these concepts deserves a fricken telenovela so I won't even get into it. 

I highlighted two articles earlier so I'm gonna touch on the second one, which actually encompasses a couple of the reasons I just mentioned.

The good guy/girl finishes last. 

I'm just gonna throw this out there:  don't completely agree. 

I've noticed, as I'm sure you have, that at times it seems as though the last person to be boo lovin is the first one to have that special someone and the people who you would think would be scooped up are constantly solo dolo. 

However, as someone who is self-categorized as the 'good girl' [up for debate, but I'm pretty confident that the opposition would be hard pressed to refute this effectively], I don't see myself as finishing last at all. 

It's all about perception. 

Now I'm not gonna sit here and say that I've never been discouraged by what goes on cuz that would be a bold faced, and needless, lie. Yes, it gets frustrating to hear people claim they want this and that [read: wifey material/a good girl] and then turn around and pursue the exact opposite [read: someone with more miles than Air Force One, take that as you may], but when it's all said and done I would rather wait and chill than change who I am just to get someone to want me. I almost said 'do me,' but it's come to my attention that people take that to mean something COMPLETELY different than what I mean it as. When I say that I mean that I'm literally doing me - getting my ish together and taking the steps necessary for various forms of success. The operative word is 'me.' Note I didn't say 'every human with a phallus.' 

But I digress. 

...

Yeah. Long story short: the good guy/good girl doesn't always finish last. They only finish last if they allow a few bumps in the road to change who they are. Why do I say this?

Think about it. 

You're a good person because you're a good person. That's who you are. That's what makes you happy. To let someone who doesn't deserve what you have to offer strip you of your intrinsic characteristics is to deny yourself and someone who does deserve the 'good you' a chance at something great. That my friend, is where you finish last.

Also, for every good guy/girl who thinks that all hope is lost, there is a good guy/girl who has found that person who appreciates all that they have to offer and realized that it was what they wanted. I've seen it first hand. Multiple times. And I'm sure you have too.

Sidenote: If you, a 'good' person, continue to go around and expect all people to look over you then you won't notice when someone is looking right at you. So yeah. Stick that in your oven and bake it... on high.

So that's my view on the issue. This isn't really what I wanted to say, but I said it. Oh boy did I say it. This ish is mad long. 

Oh. I just remembered. I called this post 'The Highest Apple' because of the little fable below:

Girls are like apples on trees, the best ones are at the top. The boys dont want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt so instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. As they watch, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

So you go out and be the best apple you can be [insert thumbs up and fist pump].

...

Goodness I'm special. 

Also, since I'm talking about relationships and whatnot, watch this. Hil-fricken-arious. Shout out to Ms. Trini for putting me on: