Long time...

no talk.

It's been mad long. Like... wowsers. The next post (when I have time to actually sit and devote time to it) will be an update.

In the meantime I leave you with this: http://vimeo.com/12838603

Make my day.

Un-Thinkable

If you ask me I'm ready.

I can't wait to meet my husband. I know that it's a ways away, but come on! I'm getting impatient.

Blah.

Sidenote: Alicia sang her azz off on this one.

LT4

"Doubt the first/Cry the second/Love the third/Live the fourth"

That is exactly what I did this past weekend.

My school has a retreat called Kairos that you have to enter a lottery to attend. Don't ask me about the selection process cuz I honestly couldn't tell you; word on the street is that you get chosen when it's your time, when you need it most in your life. Well it took me three years to get called (I actually forgot I had signed up freshman year) and it was worth every second of waiting.

There is a cloud of secrecy surrounding the event - there is no guarantee that you'll get chosen to go, you're not always aware of who is attending/has attended, and those that you know went won't discuss what goes on. It's not even like they make you swear to keep silent or anything; all participant just reach a mutual, unspoken understanding that to discuss it would be to utterly ruin it for future participants.

Although this is my personal blog, you never know who can stumble across such things on the world wide web and I would hate to be the person who denies future generations the joy I felt, the lessons that I learned. And I guess it could be said that if I wasn't gonna go into detail then why write it, but once again it's my blog and that's my prerogative at the moment (shout out to Bobby Brown).

All I will say is that this past weekend was one of the most powerful weekends of my life. I learned to look deep within myself and bring what's always been there to the surface.

The one secret I can tell you is that you're loved. Each and every one of us has impacted a life, whether we're aware of it or not. You may think a simple hi is nothing, but to someone else it's everything.

You are loved.

And that makes the world of difference.

I doubted the first day of the retreat. I cried the second. I loved the third. And for here on out, I'll be living everyday as if it were the fourth.

Avatar Surfin

If you've seen Avatar watch this video. I don't like the song, but I just HAD to put the two together:

Tall People Surfin from DeeMizzle on Vimeo.

What a beautiful mess

You know a performer is good when the crowd is silent.

Who Am I...

... to say what love is?

Love is one of the most powerful things a person can experience in their life, a sentiment that gives life it's meaning. Whether it's love of self, a friend, object, family member, or of the romantic nature, everyone at some point has experienced it.

So, who am I to say what love is?

To say who can love who and how they can show that affection.

I am a young woman who is attracted to the opposite gender. That is how I choose to live my life, that is what makes me comfortable.

But, who am I to say what love is?

To tell another that their version of it is skewed. That what they feel for another is wrong

I never understand why people have a problem with homosexuality. If the people in question are happy, why aren't you?

I strongly dislike when males are homophobic because, more often than not, they feel as though they are at risk somehow.

Get off your high horse and stop flattering yourself.

Not every female is attracted to you, so what makes you so sure that every homosexual male will be?

Now I'm in no position to judge another person, but if you're going to dislike something, please have a reason that holds water.

Who am I to say what love is?

I'm only a person who dreams of someday finding the love that others have been blessed with. The kind of love that transcends distance and time. The kind that is so meaningful that persecution and prejudice fails to tarnish it.

...

The end.

Random musings II

Not gonna lie, I waited until today to post because then it would be exactly a month since my last one. Yeah. That's how my mind works sometimes.

Today I had the illest epiphany during my morning commute. I was thinking about how wonderful it was outside and that got me thinking about how it was all because of global warming which is now known as climate change and is believed to be the result of what was referred to as the greenhouse effect way back when.

So, the following is what I wrote as I got off the train and walked ten minutes to my internship. Thank goodness for the notepad feature of the Crackberry:

*Ahem*

---------

The only thing that makes sense is that nothing makes sense. People go through life trying to name the nameless, explain the unexplainable, and predict the unpredictable.

First it was the greenhouse effect, now it's climate change. First it was trench warfare then it was the never ending threat of nuclear detonation.

We overanalyze, misread, and become cognitive misers only to fall short. Sometimes we get it right, but more often than not we miss a pivotal factor. In this seemingly never-ending choose your own adventure, each step we take leads to another, until we end up in a place with no idea when we chose the road that led there.

In life, contentment is average. Like in school you have your overachievers and those that could care less. Those who go through life planning and those who go with the flow. Those who try to cheat their way through and those who panic if they don't get the result they expected. To some, failure is not an option, for others it's expected. Some want to be the best, and some just want to pass. And in the end, we all get the same result.

Nothing makes sense. Everything that you know is only true for that moment. You're not the same person that you were when you started this. And no I'm not saying that these words are life changing, just that moments have passed by. Your older than you were when you started this. Use these next few moments wisely.

Sixteen counts

Last week I had jury duty.

I got to the court house at 8 AM (read: 5:45 wake up call) on Friday and left at 4:45 PM with a seat in the jury box. At first I was heated. This would mean I'd miss up to two weeks of school/work.

I went back to the court house on Monday morning intent on helping the judge to see my point of view, but alas 'twas not the case; on the trial I had to remain.

Despite my frustration, I have to admit that as the lawyers gave their opening statements, I was immediately captivated by the Law & Order episode playing out in front of me.

The defendant was facing sixteen counts of drug trafficking and various gun charges. As the lawyers went through the witnesses and evidence, I found myself predicting when objections would be called and trying to piece together the pieces that made up this trial.

When it was all said and done, the jury was left to deliberate the case after three days of testimony. After discussing the case, looking at the evidence (over 1.5 kg of cocaine, two machine guns, ammunition, several pistols... dude was locked and loaded) and going through our notes, the group quickly found the defendant guilty of all charges. When it came time to read the verdict we left the room confident that we reached the right decision; there was no doubt, reasonable or otherwise, that the defendant committed the crimes in question.

As the foreman read each verdict, a list of sixteen 'guilty's, tears came to my eyes. I couldn't bring myself to look at anyone in the room, instead choosing to focus my attention on the books behind the judge's seat.

I, along with my peers, sent a man to jail for fifteen years.

Now, as I mentioned before, there was no doubt that the defendant was guilty of all charges against him. Between expert testimony from the detectives both involved in the investigation and not, to chemists and ballistic experts who confirmed the evidence to be what they clearly were, the defense had nothing to go on. The prosecution really did not have to work too hard as seen with the short trial.

But, all this aside, I sent a man to jail for fifteen years.

Yes he was guilty, and yes the judge made the sentencing decision, but I could not help but cry for the man who would miss over a decade of his life.

Think of all the changes that have occurred between 1995 and 2010. Imagine going away fifteen years away and just returning. Hypothetically speaking, a child that was born the day you left would be in high school right now...

Everyone makes decisions, some better than others, but no matter the end result, there is a starting point that got them there. Yes there are things that are inexcusable, but everyone has their reasons and for them, when it came time to make their decision, it most likely seemed to be the right, or only, one.

So yeah. I had jury duty last week, and while it was interesting to sit there and see the justice system at work, it was horrible to sit there and decide someone's fate.

Sweatshops

I have work to do. I should do the work I have to do. But -

A few minutes ago a friend and I got into a discussion about sweatshops and it was pretty much amazing. I'll give you the SparkNotes version:

When many people hear the word sweatshops, they immediately consider it something horrific, an enterprise that should be abolished.

I disagree.

Hear me out.

As an institution, there is absolutely nothing wrong with sweatshops; the problem lies in the way this institution is executed.

A sweatshop is nothing more than a place of employment. For many, working in a sweatshop guarantees clothing on their back and food on their table. Yes, by our standards the wages earned are horrific, but let me say this again, by our standards.

Let us not forget that the United States is a nation in which we, for the most part, demand, comparatively, the most expensive things. Our cheapest items are, by the standards of others, things they have to save for years to purchase.

Yes I agree that often times people who work in such establishments are mistreated, but it is not the establishment itself that is at fault, it is the manner in which it is run.

Some propose going in to shut down sweatshops, liberating the poor workers from the hellholes they were subjected to.

I disagree.

Rather than taking away the only source of income that many have, improve how they are operated.

Think about it:

You shut down sweatshops, where are people supposed to work?

Oh the US will save them? Give them our jobs? Then, what happens to our citizens? When will the cycle end? How can you attempt to save others when your own people are struggling as well?

This is in no way me saying to screw the world and turn our back on those in need, merely me saying to think things through before you speak on it.

People often try to rush in and fix a "problem" without sitting down and thinking about the source of the issue and the effects - both long term and short - of their hypothesized "solution."

So yes. This was supposed to be a SparkNotes version. ...it wasn't.

But in summary, I do not disagree with sweatshops. That name alone brings forth negativity. All such an establishment is is a place of employment. For all intents and purposes, a corporate office could be considered a sweatshop - you go, work for a set amount of hours, get paid, return home, and do the same thing the next day. The problem, once again, is not the institution, but the way that it is executed. Rather than take away peoples' jobs and livelihood, take the time to make the necessary reforms.

The end.

Neglect

Since I've been back things have been... interesting.

My friendships have remained strong, I am still on top of my work, I have an internship at a PR firm and an on-campus job... everything is going as well as I would hope.

However, content is not the word I would use to describe my mentality the moment.

There's no tangible thing that irks me, just a feeling that I don't fit into the spaces that have been opened for me, a feeling that I'm a square trying to fit into a space meant for a circle.

People change. Things change.

What do you do when you're not too sure where the change happened or when? When the consequences and meaning of these changes have yet to manifest themselves?

I'm not content and I strongly dislike this.

Womp.

It be's like that sometimes.

Closer

'Closer' by Corinne Bailey Rae makes me feel segsi for some reason. Not a 'I wanna have relations with you right now' segsi, but a 'I'm becoming a woman who is on top of my ish, understanding my faults and improving in some shape or form each day' segsi. Like I said, I dunno why. Yzr.

That's right Corrine. You sing your heart out girl.

Stone cold ignorance

The vulgar, ignorant, and heartless comments that I have seen on twitter have truly saddened me. Examples:

I don't think ANYONE should Help Haiti. A country filled with FRENCH speaking black people? I don't give a fuck!

I wish George Bush was still president, he'd know how to handle Haiti the right way...ignore it! <333>#fuckhaiti

If you're all going to yell at me can you not speak in ebonics? I can't understand your crazy ghetto language! lol #fuckhaiti

Seriously black people disgust me. why would i help haiti now? they deserve it for all you monkeys do to white america.

I'm off to Church! Have to thank God for the blessings he has given the world this past week<3

And people said racism was over because Obama was elected.

I elected not to put up usernames because at the end of the day it doesn't matter who say these things; this mentality goes so much deeper than an individual person. It's disheartening to know that, in the face of millions losing their lives, loved ones, and possessions, people find humor and validation to such comments, that they think it's ok.

At the same time it's beautiful to see people donating both money and time to aid those affected. It's things like that that give me hope.

Random musings

- currently getting sick. I'm supposed to take these homeopathic pills - 2 every 15 minutes for 2 hours and then 1 every hour until my symptoms go away - ... too bad I forget the 15 minute thing

- moved into my new dorm. Almost set off the fire alarm cooking. No big deal. Not only did I have to adjust to my stove at home, I have to adjust to this one at school too. Damnations. I'm still not used to how fast American stoves cook food BUT I didn't burn my food. My salmon, mixed veggies, and rice was wonderful.

- STILL waiting on my package with my clothing. It needs to get here TODAY cuz I have nothing else to wear. Uh oh.

- Have to finish my Jersey Shore marathon.

- Have to start my Entourage: Season One marathon.

- Don't you love when a song comes up on your iPod that you never really gave a chance, and when you finally sit down to listen it's thebomb.com? It's either good cuz you found a new gem or bad because you've been missing out all this time.

- I hope that the UN and everyone who CAN do something for Haiti does.

- Campus is semi-dead. I kinda like it. Can't wait to be abroad this year again aka anti-social.

- My sister cried before I left. She's never done that before. Needless to say that made me cry too. I hope she'll be alright, but she's a trooper so I'm not too worried.

- Last night I watched this video on Illuminati and how it's prevalent in the music industry. I don't believe it cuz I actively don't believe that stuff (ghosts, demons, etc.) HOWEVER, if it is true, wowsers. If it's not, the person who made the video/connections has a FABULOUS imagination.

The end.

Google it

Howdy. Hope that your holiday season, if you celebrate, was fabulous.

I always think it's ...not so much rude... but interesting that people automatically assume that you celebrate the holiday season. Yes I understand that a large majority of people do, but let us not forget that there are some who don't believe in the commercialization of these two months.

...

Yeah.

So essentially, I hope that these past few weeks have been grand. Not because people tacked a special meaning to them, but because they were another day that you could see. Ya dig?

Anywho.

I'm currently working on a paper that is due on Friday for an art class I took in Greece. Their semester doesn't end until the end of January so technically I still have school. Ain't that some ish.

So blah dee da, I'm sitting here, struggling like none other because, let's be honest, I'm not programmed to work between mid-December/January (thank you US school systems for being so lenient), and the few times I can focus I can't find the necessary material I need to support my paper.

Just now I hopped onto Google (one of the best things about the world wide web. I wish I came up with it) and tried a new set of search terms and boom! Just like that, everything I need to finish this bad boy is laid out for me.

And this got me thinking:

You can search and search all you want, but until you ask the right question, using the right words, you will never get the answer you want.

You'll get something close to it, something that could suffice, but doesn't fulfill your exact specifications.

What does this all mean?

I guess just know exactly what you're searching for or you'll have a hard time finding it, if at all. There are thousands of results out there; narrow them down by using the right keywords.

Goodness. I should write fortune cookies... or something.