This post was actually inspired by the delicious medical drama "Grey's Anatomy" and a conversation with one of my close friends, the ever so wonderful Ms. Trotman (waddup S. Dizzy?)
So in this week's episode entitled "Start Me Up" we're introduced to a patient who was trampled by horses. In an effort to make their civil union a special moment, his partner hired a bagpiper and horse-drawn carriage to take them to City Hall. Unfortunately, the bagpiper startled the horses and the injured party was unable to move out of their way in time.
Quite the battle wound story, huh?
Now, it's not so much the injury that I want to discuss, but the events that set the stage for the whole thing.
The victim, a man, and his partner, another man, were on their way to City Hall to sign paperwork that would recognize their commitment to one another. In the words of the patient's partner:
This was supposed to be the best days of our lives. You think I'm silly, I know... with the horses and the bagpipes. So does he. We don't get marriage... we get domestic partnership. We get to go to City Hall and stand in line and sign some paper. Mail it in if you're even more romantic. So call me crazy, but I just wanted the big day that everybody else gets. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I wanted it to feel like that. Not like some trip to the DMV. I wanted it to be special.
For him, a wedding (read: legal marriage), is a way for him to show his love and dedication to the one person who brings him joy, but, because of the laws of the land, he and that person are denied this ceremony and all that comes with it.
Now, regardless of what your views of marriage are, I have to say that I love the way the writers crafted it in this episode.
In the show there are three main sets of marriages - Cristina Yang and Owen Hunt, Meredith Grey and Derek Sheperd, and Teddy Altman and Henry Burton.
Legally, Yang and Hunt's marriage is recognized by the gov't and it works because the two characters love each other. Although their history is full of all kinds of personal demons, the two saw past that and realized that the other was their perfect compliment (if you couldn't tell, they're my favorite couple, but I digress).
When it comes to Grey and Sheperd, their marriage is not recognized by the gov't. Rather than going through a ceremony or City Hall, they showed their love and dedication through a Post-It note. While unconventional, it works for them because that's the relationship they have. They recognize it as a marriage and so do those around them.
Now, for the relationship that makes my whole analysis work, Teddy Altman and Henry Burton have known each other for about two episodes (I'm not sure how long that is in real people time). See, Burton has a treatable cancer, but due to his lack of insurance he was discharged from the hospital. Teddy, being the great doctor that she is, decides that she can't let him walk out of Seattle Grace (the hospital) to die so she does the only obvious thing and marries him so he can use her insurance.
Yeah.
While what she did was awesome and commendable, if you want to look at her marriage under the lens of the other two mentioned (amor), then it's a mockery of the institution. Throughout the episode it becomes clear, as if it wasn't already, that she knows nothing about him - no idea about next of kin, no idea about what he would want in a life or death situation, nada.
So... why is it that two complete strangers can sign a piece of paper committing them to each other, but people who have been together and honestly want to be together can't? To use the words I quoted earlier, Teddy and Henry literally took "a trip to the DMV".
For me, this episode highlighted how warped marriage has become. Whereas it used to be about love, nowadays it's come to be about gender. In all honesty, marriage is just another method of control. Did you know that there are over 1,100 federal statutes in which marital status is a factor in determining/receiving benefits, rights, and privileges? (Don't believe me? Want to see a list? Click here .) That is outrageous! By determining who can and can't get married, the government is essentially controlling how money is spent. There is no love in this, only politics.
Now one can argue that marriage hasn't always been about love and you would be right; you only have to look at arraigned marriages to see that. These unions are still going on in some parts of the world and even some parts of the United States (albeit called other things and executed in various ways). ... The arguments can be made, but that's not what I'm looking at.
I'm looking at the fact that people can line up for over 1,100 privileges just for the heck of it while others can't because of gender. At the end of the day, love is love, no matter who's involved. The way I see it, I'm not in the room with them, so why should I care?
In the show, Meredith and Derek are forfeiting these rights and privileges voluntarily. They view marriage as love and don't need the government to acknowledge it. The patient and his partner aren't given that option, they're legally forced to. Why? I know the legal mumbo jumbo people spew ("because the government said so"), but honestly, why?
Religious belief? Last time I checked, there was a separation of Church and State so that shouldn't really factor into the decision making. I can also discuss how religion as a reason is kind of iffy in itself, but that's for another day.
Personal preference? Cool ... but last time I checked the people in power were supposed to work on behalf of the nation as a whole, not themselves.
So... honestly, what would happen if people of the same gender were able to be married as defined by the government? ... I'll give you a second. ::Dora blink:: That's right! They'd be married! Why is that so bad?
...
I didn't really mean for this to be a political statement, just an observation of how the writers of Grey's shaped marriage. I'm not sure if it was their intention, but I truly appreciated the fact that they looked at it and crafted it in a way that laid out the facts. Is there any question as to why this show gives me life? Goodness.
